Congratulating Weight Loss
/This has been a topic I have wanted to write about for a long time. I recognize that this can be a controversial topic and I am not here to sway your opinion just to present it from another perspective!
So let’s set the scene. You’re seeing your friend or co-worker and it’s been a while. You can visibly see that they have lost weight and you congratulate them. You say how wonderful they look, how much younger they look, and proceed to ooo and ahh over their “new body.”
In that moment they respond with extreme positivity saying thank you and possibly even talking about their weight loss journey. You leave the conversation feeling inspired!
But wait….what did your comments really reinforce to them:
Their “fat” body was not worth celebrating?
They are a better person since they have less fat on them?
They are more accepted because they are smaller?
Their old body made them less than?
What you don’t know is how they lost this weight. Did they:
Starve themselves?
Over exercise?
Stop listening to their body’s needs?
Deny food they really wanted at the cost of weight loss?
Shame themselves to motivate themselves to lose weight?
Go to bed hungry?
Cancel social events because of food being offered?
So now this person is thinking “I have to maintain this weight loss to keep this level of approval.” Possibly encouraging more of this same self-harming behavior.
This may sound extreme, but this is what most diets require in order for you to see “fast weight loss.” This way of living is not sustainable and can feel like a trap. By others celebrating their weight loss they may feel like they must continue to be in this trap.
Playing devil’s advocate here, let’s just say they did lose weight and in a healthy way with small sustainable changes that didn't require deprivation. Your comments still reinforced that this person was less than at their previous body size.
Your worth and value should not be connected to your:
Weight
Body fat percentage
Ability to see abs
Pant size
Visual appearance
When we as a society continue to congratulate and praise people for losing weight we are reinforcing that they are less than as they are.
Yes, changes in the name of health should be celebrated, but this has nothing to do with the amount of fat you have on your body!
Instead of talking about their weight loss I offer this solution. When someone makes a lifestyle change let’s congratulate them for:
Putting themselves first!
Taking care of their body!
Honoring themselves!
Honoring their health!
As someone who has lost and gained weight several times I remember the fear that I couldn’t keep up the level of restriction it took to be “thin.” I remember thinking that my previous body was something to be ashamed of because people only celebrated my smaller body.
It has taken years of healing to accept that my current body, at all weights, is acceptable and worth celebrating. What if we gave this gift to others?